Curiouser and Curiouser

 I found out I had cancer the first time four years ago while sitting in the Dairy Queen parking lot eating an ice cream cone.  I decided to check results in My Chart while I was taking a snack break in between errands. “Malignant Neoplasm of the Left Breast” Wait, What? I immediately called The breast clinic and they told me someone would give me a call back shortly.  Within 10 minutes I had a care coordinator on the line giving me all kinds of next step information.  I would have a team of 3 oncologists, one main medical oncologist, a radiation oncologist, and a surgeon.  Appointments would be popping up within days to make a game plan.  That time, I went with a lumpectomy followed by 16-20 rounds of radiation.  The exact number escapes me now.  Everything functioned like a well oiled machine.  I met my team, was given a binder with all kinds of information on my type of cancer, treatment options, what to expect, who to call when and for what…everything was laid out for me.  I felt seen, I felt cared for, and I felt confident in my team and my future.  

Here we are in Summer of 2022…I don’t even recall an exact moment of diagnosis.  It is all a blur of tests, receiving results in My Chart and trying to interpret them while waiting on a phone call from the doc or more results to come in.  Stage 4 is a whole different deal..no cure…no team of specialists…no definite plan.  It feels much lonelier.  The plan is take these meds that might work and might not.  Every 3-4 months get a scan.  If the meds are working, continue with plan.  If the meds are not working, get prescribed a new set of meds.  Repeat.  I go in monthly and get labs drawn, see a doc or one of his NP’s, and get the two injections of hormone blockers stabbed into my backside.  

The nausea is worse than it was initially and I have zero appetite most of the time, yet haven’t lost a pound thanks to the hormone blockers.  The fatigue is better on weeks 1 and 2 of chemo when my blood counts are normal or at least close to normal.  By week 3 and the week off it begins getting worse. That said, side effects are still quite manageable.  I stay busy, but keep weird hours..insomnia is a big thing right now, so working a regular job would be challenging. I get to have Hadley a minimum of once a week which I look forward to so much.  I take my grand dog Ted on walks several times a week.  I try to have lunch dates with friends when I am not feeling like food is disgusting.  I have some little projects going on in our home and yard and care for our dog, cat, 6 fish, and 3 snails. 

Still damn grateful…still intend to do everything possible to have the fullest life possible.  Shout out to my girls…Tara, Emily, and Bekah…my badass detox girls that would be here day or night no question if I asked.  Shout out to my friends from the street that are more resilient and strong than anyone I have known. Darrell, Sherm, Bradley, Brits, Jason, Gene, Sylvia…you all inspire me by continuing to fight through addictions, trauma, and whatever this world throws at you. I am so damn grateful for each one of you. 

So, that’s my update peeps…Saturday: Sean, Maggie, and I depart to The Yurt. 😎